Healing My Relationship With Food

I never truly reflected on my relationship with food—or how deeply it has shaped my life—until recently. I’m not exactly sure why now, but I believe that growing older, becoming more self-aware, and attending a workshop on eating disorders helped me see things more clearly. It made me realize that my struggles with food and body image have been part of a long, quiet battle I’ve carried for years.

Childhood and the Early Wounds

As a child, I wrestled with my weight and constantly tried to limit myself—cutting carbs and sweets even before I fully understood what dieting meant. I was bullied for my body throughout elementary and middle school, which was painful enough on its own. But what made it worse was that some adults, even teachers, participated in that cruelty. Their lack of empathy and awareness deeply scarred me.

One memory that still stings is from third grade, in a private school in Baghdad. During a lesson on eating etiquette, our sociology teacher asked what we should do before beginning a meal. I raised my hand eagerly and said, “Wait until everyone is seated.” Her response? She smirked and said, “Obviously, you don’t follow that rule,” then laughed—joined by my classmates. I laughed too, pretending it didn’t hurt. But it did. It still does, more than 20 years later.

That moment planted a seed—of self-doubt, perfectionism, negative body image, and a toxic, love-hate relationship with food. I hated that teacher for what she did, but even more, I hated the way her words stayed with me, shaping how I saw myself and how I treated my body.

The Power of Society and the Brain

We often underestimate how deeply societal norms can influence us. They shape our values, and in turn, our behaviors—especially around food and our bodies.

In a powerful workshop hosted by Empowher Health ¹, Dr. Carrie McAdams, a distinguished expert on eating disorders, explained how disordered eating is rooted in neural circuits tied to self-perception and social evaluation. Her words hit home. For the first time, I could clearly trace the roots of my patterns—the extreme calorie restriction at age 11, and again at 23 when I was navigating PTSD and depression.

A Shift Through Motherhood

When I became pregnant with my first child, something shifted. I began to eat more intentionally—not necessarily for myself, but for the life growing inside me. I stayed away from sweets and carbs, not out of fear or shame this time, but because I believed my child deserved better. That shift in behavior, driven by a change in belief, shows just how powerful our internal narratives can be.

I wasn’t caring for myself because I believed I was worth it—I was doing it for someone else. But even that was a start.

Still Healing, Still Growing

I’m still working on my relationship with food. Healing is not linear, and I know I have a long way to go. But the first step toward real change is recognition—understanding where the pain began, and how it’s affected your life.

After all these years, I finally feel like I understand the root causes. And with that understanding comes compassion—for my younger self, for my present self, and even for others who may be silently struggling.

A Message for You

To anyone reading this, please remember: your mind is powerful, and your self-perception directly influences how you live. Be kind to yourself. Don’t let society define your worth or beauty.

You are worthy.
You are beautiful.
And healing is possible.